Who's Kid Is It?

We all have things that stick in our brains and then become part of our mantra.  Each time we meet a new person and the trigger presents itself we tell our little ditty, usually verbatim.  One of mine is the story about a neighbor who told a neighbor who told a neighbor who had to rush over to my house to tell me that so and so was complaining that, “Denise Burks tells everyone she has six children.  She doesn’t have six children.  She has three biological children.  The other three are her stepchildren.” 

Now that is true.  When people ask me how many children I have, which happens a lot, I always say, “Six.”  Most often, people give me a horrified look that says no-wonder-you-look-like-hell.  But I always clarify, “My three middle children are my stepchildren.  They live half the time with us and the other half with their mother, who lives three blocks away.”   

When I add that little bit of information, I almost always get the pity look, too. 

I always thought that I was being the “inclusive stepmother” by calling all of the kids “our kids.”  I thought that I would be admired.  

I remember being at one of my husband’s family reunions and all of us were getting a professional photograph taken.  At one point a couple with a new baby and their 10 year old daughter stepped up for their session.  The mother asked the 10 year old girl to step out of the picture so that she and her husband could be photographed alone with the baby.  I will never forget the look on that little girl’s face when she was asked to step aside.  I learned later that the 10 year old daughter belonged to the husband from a prior marriage.

I could never do that to one of our kids.  

I recently interviewed a Naperville woman, Tami Kidd-Brown.  As often happens, I told that little story.  In turn, she told me a story which has put a permanent crinkle in my indignation at the neighbor of the neighbor who complained that I claimed all six kids as “mine.”

Tami said, “I have a story kind of like that, Denise.  One day I was at the grocery store while my three young sons, including my little curly headed blond 18 month old baby, were at their Dad’s for the weekend.  As hard as it was to care for those three little boys all by myself, let me assure you that it was ten times as hard to hand them over to my ex-husband and his girlfriend for a weekend.  As I trudged through the grocery store, by myself, I could hear a lady gushing over a baby in the aisle next to me.”

“Oh, look at that gorgeous head of blond, curls.  What a beautiful baby you have.”

“I couldn’t move,” she said.  “My eyes were filling with tears and my heart was aching for my own little beautiful boys.  Right then I heard my ex-husband’s girlfriend’s voice.  She was thanking the lady for the compliment.  She wasn’t saying this isn’t my son.  She was just saying thank you.”

“I was devastated.  I grabbed my purse, left my full grocery cart and I bolted out of that store as fast as I could.”

“Today my blond haired baby boy is a senior in high school.  Last month we attended the Mother-Son Brunch.  As is tradition, we had our picture taken.  I stood proud on one side of my son and on the other side, smiling just as big and just as proud was his stepmom (the girlfriend from the grocery store) and I’m finally OK with that.”   

Mother Son Brunch

The Step-Mom, The Beautiful Baby Boy and The Mom

Visit Tami Kidd-Brown (The Mom) at:

http://glamournaperville.blogspot.com/

http://www.fullcircle.bz